Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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