The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
