I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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