just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
