This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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