After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
