I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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