seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
