I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
