Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
