Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
