i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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