the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
