dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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