i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
