I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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