While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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