I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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