So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
