I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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