my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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