The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
