Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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