whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
