weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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