would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
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