Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
