Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
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