i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
