Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
