mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Randomize
