i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
