This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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