everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
