She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
