I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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