if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
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