I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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