Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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