Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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