You smell like stripper and shame
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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