Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
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