please come you make the beer taste better
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
