this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Don't EVER smell your tampon
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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