sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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