the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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