Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
