after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
he fucked my hip out of place.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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