If i come over, it means nothing
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
