Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Found the puke drawer
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
