i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
