You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
