A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
