just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
